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He's History, You're Not: Surviving Divorce After 40 |  | Author: Erica Manfred
Creator: Tina Tessina PhD
Publisher: GPP Life
Category: Book
List Price: $16.95
Buy New: $10.10
as of 9/3/2010 19:14 CDT details
You Save: $6.85 (40%)
New (31) Used (10) from $8.77
Seller: sbd-
Rating:  14 reviews
Sales Rank: 26686
Media: Paperback
Edition: First
Pages: 320
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.8
Dimensions (in): 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.9
ISBN: 0762751355
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.893
EAN: 9780762751358
ASIN: 0762751355
Publication Date: May 5, 2009
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| • | ISBN13: 9780762751358 | | • | Condition: New | | • | Notes: BUY WITH CONFIDENCE, Over one million books sold! 98% Positive feedback. Compare our books, prices and service to the competition. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed |
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Product Description
In He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, Erica Manfred shares her own divorce experience, as well as the advice of experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. Manfred was left for a younger woman in 2003, and eventually learned to both survive and thrive. After educating herself in the areas many women have barely even thought of when considering divorce, she is the kind of girlfriend a woman needs when facing both menopause and the trauma of divorce. She can help save divorcees lots of anguish, and lots of cash. HE’S HISTORY, YOU’RE NOT discusses how to: · Avoid “kiss of death” marriage counselors to determine if reconciliation is possible. · Find an affordable divorce lawyer who does not snort scornfully at the word “mediation.” · Survive the first, worst, year. · Deal with your adult or teen kids (who can be just as devastated as small children). · Get back to work or find a new career. (Age discrimination does not have to stop you.) · Use the Internet to date the Viagra generation. · Restore your self-esteem despite body parts that have succumbed to gravity. · Forgive the bastard (and yourself) and finally move on…and much more.
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 14
 very good August 22, 2010
Robert W. Smith (Virginia, USA)
as a male psychologist who is getting a divorce, i wanted to get this book in order to (1) better understand patients getting / wanting a divorce, (2) better understand my aspiring ex, and (3) better understand our relationship and how to move on. overall, i think that this is a very good book! it is organized / laid out well and moves the reader along clearly. i take issue with the author about a couple of things - i think that "reconciliation" counseling can be extremely beneficial, especially for helping a couple to learning how to respectfully communicate about what went wrong, how to obtain a cooperative divorce, and how to communicate so that you raise well adjusted kids. so many folks who've been caught up in a bad or unsatisfying marriage have a difficult time mustering the courage to do the right thing. as the title implies, this book is written for women, not generally men, it is written targeting folks 40 +, and it provides strong encouragement for women considering divorce to obtain divorce. my wife and i found that if we worked together instead of having an contested divorce, we could save nearly $30k. it is difficult for us to start again from scratch, i'm in my 3rd year and still "a toddler". many of the suggestions in this book are outstanding for helping folks a bit older to move on successfully and create the kind of life for ourselves that we really would like. while, as a guy, i found passages of this book to contain more anger than i'm used to, i also found this book to contain the language and content necessary to inspire us. while about 50% of all first marriages end in divorce and about 75% of those first-divorces are filed by wives, aspiring ex and ex-wives are more likely to become depressed, paralyzed by grief, and self-sabotaging. i give this book a "B+" and i highly recommend it for any woman struggling with divorce after 40 who might be having some difficulty getting beyond it. it is a very good self-help book.
Excellent June 27, 2010
FB44
Excellent advice. To the point. Easy to read. Not drawn out.
Not all parts apply to everyone, but you can find yourself in the different chapters.
Not As Relevant for "Younger" 40-something Moms March 12, 2010
Kelly (United States)
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
I bought this book with a lot of excitement - I am 40 and recently divorced and was excited to find a book geared towards me.
First, the good things - the book is thorough. It is well written and easy to read. The author is a good writer and the book is entertaining. It includes chapters on many different aspects of divorce that women need to consider. Over all, I think it is very good.
But, I did not find the book relevant to my own situation for several reasons.
1. This book is geared specifically towards women who have older or grown children. If you have young children, this book is not really as relevant to your situation. Since many women delay childbearing these days, there are many women in their 40s who still have young children [me included]. They won't find the help they need in this book. This book just really emphasized to me how very different the two situations are - a mother of older children who is abandoned vs a mother of very young children who is abandoned.
2. The author seemed to have had a TON of support from endless patient, loving, devoted friends. She lists a whole bunch of different kinds of "friends" that you are supposed to have to help you through all the different aspects of the divorce. If you are like me and found most of your friends jumping ship the moment your husband ran off, [not out of malice necessarily, but just because they were uncomfortable or did not feel a kinship with you any longer], then you may find this advice as depressing as I did. I think there are a lot of women out there like me who do not have much support at all in coping with their divorce. Those women aren't going to find the support they need in this book either.
3. The author went through a really bad divorce and she was still pretty angry at her Ex, or so it seems from what she wrote. It is completely understandable of course. On the one hand, it makes her someone you can definitely relate to. But on the other hand, I thought the book would have had more value and would have been more helpful if she had been a little farther along in her own recovery process and more beyond her own bitterness. I hope, personally, that one day I will be able to think of my Ex husband without extreme anger and that feeling of sickness at what he's done [I'm not there yet, at all]. I would have appreciated more mentoring on how to get there. The last chapter in the book is called "forgiving the bastard and moving on", but I did not find it helpful. The author admits in that chapter that she herself hasn't managed to forgive her Ex and the chapter falls flat - you can't get good advice on how to do something from someone who has never done it themselves, unfortunately.
4. There was also a subtle "class division" in this book, I felt. As a mother who is flat broke and truly struggling every day just to keep an actual roof over my children's heads, I did not get the sense that the author had really had to deal with any "real" financial hardship at this level - I think she was very well off and while the divorce certainly left her less well off [it always does, doesn't it?], I don't get the sense that she could really relate to what a lot of single mothers go through as far as real poverty and the fear that comes from not knowing how you will provide for your babies. Again, that is no flaw in the author [I'm glad she hasn't been there], but the book does not cover the sort of advice mothers in a less financially stable situation really need.
So, I think if you are an older woman with older children [or no children] and lots of support, this book will most likely be helpful to you. If you are a younger woman with young children, this is probably not the best book for you [check out "Raising Great Kids On Your Own" and "Moving Forward After Divorce" by Frisbie].
I think, honestly, that this book would have been more appropriately titled "Surviving Divorce After 50" because it really is geared over all more towards that age group and beyond.
And I do want to emphasize - this is NOT a bad book by any means. Over all it is a very good book. It is just more relevant to certain women and less relevant to others.
Looking Back & Going Forward January 30, 2010
Diana Mitchell
I got the book on a Friday and finished reading it by that Sunday evening! And now the advice I would give a friend heading for a divorce is to read "He's History, You're Not". And then I would tell her to keep reading it beacause this is a resource that divorced women cen return to again and again for advice, information, and support.
My own divorce took place some time ago. Yet, I found Erica Manfred's "girlfriend chat" approach to be a reminder that the emotional divorce and recovery are ongoing. The nuggets in this book nourished my spirit and fed my soul. Just reading about how Erica and other divorced women reinvented their lives has given me a huge boost of reassurance. And now I am poised to take some big leaps in reinventing my own.
A great read for divorcing women in their thirties too! August 26, 2009
Delaine Wiszniak (Canada)
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
Although I'm not yet in my forties, I thoroughly enjoyed and learned a lot in reading Erica's He's History, You're Not. Not only does Erica help women smarten up around the divorce process, I found her voice felt warm and kindred - like that of a big sister. We stand to gain so much by listening to the stories of women from different generations; the overlap is tremendous. I now move forward with new knowledge and more respect - not just for my older divorced `sisters,' but for myself.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 14
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