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Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction | 
 enlarge | Author: Susan Cheever
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Category: Book
List Price: $23.00
Buy New: $11.50
You Save: $11.50 (50%)
New (39) Used (9) from $11.50
Rating:  8 reviews
Sales Rank: 37071
Media: Hardcover
Pages: 192
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.7
Dimensions (in): 8.5 x 5.7 x 0.9
ISBN: 1416537929
Dewey Decimal Number: 616.8583
EAN: 9781416537922
ASIN: 1416537929
Publication Date: October 7, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: Expedited shipping available
Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: Brand New. 100% money back guarantee. All books shipped from Strand Bookstore, New York City, USA.
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Product Description
We've all felt the giddy flutter of excitement when our new lover walks into the room. Waited by the phone, changed our plans...But are we in love, or is there something darker at work? In Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction, Susan Cheever explores the shifting boundaries between the feelings of passion and addiction, desire and need, and she raises provocative and important questions about who we love and why.Elegantly written and thoughtfully composed, Cheever's book combines unsparing and intimate memoir, interviews and stories, hard science and psychology to explore the difference between falling in love and falling prey to an addiction. Part one defines what addiction is and how it works -- the obsession, the betrayals, the broken promises to oneself and others. Part two explores the possible causes of addiction -- is it nature or nurture, a permanent condition or a temporary derangement? Part three considers what we can do about it, including a provocative suggestion about how we describe and treat addiction, and a look at the importance of community and storytelling. In the end, there are no easy answers. "A straight look about some crooked feelings," Desire shows us the difference between the addiction that cripples our emotions, and healthy, empowering love that enhances our lives.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 3 more reviews...
 Desire December 16, 2008
R. P. Bowles (New York, NY USA)
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
This book is excellent. I suggest anyone read Ms. Cheaver's self analysis for clarity in dealing with her compulsive behavior. Her story is compelling and meaningful for the addicts as well as those who are unsure abuot their own behavior.
 Desire - a personal account December 5, 2008
Michael Swift (Scarsdale, NY USA)
2 out of 5 found this review helpful
I found Cheever's depiction of her sex life interesting because it opened me to a previously unknown world. Too much of the book, however, consists of useless theoretical constructions which even Cheever dismisses in a sly aside. Descriptions of sushi restaurants and meetings over tea or coffee simply padded this book. I don't know if it adds anything to the numerous published descriptions of "sex addiction" that she cites.
Lacking in Insight December 5, 2008
J. Price (Lancaster, PA USA)
2 out of 5 found this review helpful
I found the author's almost exclusive focus on experiences of her own and those within her social circle irritating and elitist. Cheever also seems preoccupied with proving that she's a victim of sexual addiction. The resulting tone of the book made it difficult for me to relate or empathize. I didn't find anything in the book particularly insightful. I'm sure that sex addicts do exist, and Cheever does make the point that identifying them can be rather difficult. But, in spite of all the anecdotes, explanations, and analysis, I came out of the book feeling ambivalent.
Cheever included some excerpts from a book by Robert Katz called Diary of a Sex Addict, which I'd be interested in reading if I can find it.
 Reflections on infidelity and addiction November 8, 2008
One Man's View (Lawrenceville, GA USA)
9 out of 12 found this review helpful
The author has written a very personal account concerning the not-well-understood subject of sexual addiction and how it compares with other addictions, namely alcohol, drugs, food, and gambling. The book consists largely of brief interviews with noted addiction scholars, many specializing in sexual addiction, personal accounts of those who destroyed their lives through sexual obsession, and a personal look at various periods of the author's life involving promiscuity, infidelity, and alcohol abuse.
The author amply demonstrates that sexual addicts are given to the behaviors of lying, secretiveness, broken promises, obsessiveness, self-destructiveness, remorse, and the like, much as do other addicts. Likewise, there is evidence that there are genetic predispositions to most addictions, as well as similarities in brain reactions to addictive behaviors and withdrawals across the spectrum of addictions. Though not elaborated, sexual addiction is somewhat unique in that a substance is not involved and the behavior, even copious amounts, is considered normal and essential for life. The propagation of species depends on strong sex drives.
Another factor in naming activities "addictions" is the changing social environment and tolerance for behaviors. At one time in our history, excessive use of tobacco, overeating, and drinking were hardly viewed in the same manner as today. Furthermore, the sting is taken out of the word by its use to describe intense interest in all types of activities.
Sexual addiction is extremely difficult to determine. Multiple sex partners, open marriages, and the like are hardly atypical in modern society. The anonymity of urban life, professions that provide intense contact with numerous patients, clients, etc, access to significant resources, and an open-minded orientation - all of these facilitate an increased variety of sexual experiences. The author, a distinguished writer and mover among high social circles, had far more opportunities for sexual liaisons than the average person. She was unfaithful and undoubtedly was remorseful; however her claims of sexual addiction seem well overstated. She did not target potential victims at every turn - not even close. Perhaps under different marital arrangements, her behavior may well have been tolerated.
The book is an interesting and personal take on sexual addiction. Clearly, sexual addiction does exist with predatory behavior being a large component. Yet it remains an elusive concept. Infatuation, even obsession, is a typical response in many, if not most, courtships. Perhaps it is unrealistic to expect that intensity of feeling to never arise again. And, if so, is a labeling of sexual addiction that informative? There is much more to be said about the subject than is found in this short book. The book is perhaps best read for the author's journey through many marriages and lovers, though all covered in a rather subdued sense.
I wanted more ... October 29, 2008
Charlie Stella (Brooklyn, New York)
1 out of 5 found this review helpful
I wanted more than what could serve as foot/endnotes to a term paper. That said, Cheever is a good writer. I'll try one of the novels for a better perspective.
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