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Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder | 
 enlarge | Author: Gina Pera
Creator: Russell Barkley Ph.d
Publisher: 1201 Alarm Press
Category: Book
List Price: $19.95
Buy New: $13.57
You Save: $6.38 (32%)
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Rating:  22 reviews
Sales Rank: 7137
Media: Paperback
Edition: First
Pages: 384
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 8.8 x 6 x 1.1
ISBN: 0981548709
Dewey Decimal Number: 306
EAN: 9780981548708
ASIN: 0981548709
Publication Date: August 31, 2008
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Product Description
The science has been clear since 1994, when Adult AD/HD was declared a medical diagnosis. Still, the public harbors misconceptions, and that means millions suffer needlessly. And that includes millions of couples who can't understand why their lives together are so hard -- sometimes despite many attempts at couples therapy. Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD. Yet we misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, selfishness, or moodiness. Moreover, we assume AD/HD means "little boys with ants in their pants." In fact, childhood hyperactivity goes "underground" as the person matures, resulting in a mentally restless state. (By the way, the former, and still better-known, official term is ADD, plus or minus Hyperactivity. The new term, AD/HD, uses a slash mark to indicate that hyperactivity is not central to the diagnosis.) Meticulously researched by award-winning journalist Gina Pera, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is a comprehensive guide to recognizing the behaviors where you least expect them (on the road and in the bedroom, for example) and developing compassion for couples wrestling with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. It also offers the latest information from top experts, plenty of real-life details, and easy-to-understand guidelines for finding the best treatment options and practical solutions. The revolutionary message is one of hope for millions of people--and a joyous opportunity for a better life.
Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.
--Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life ... contains information that is just not available anywhere else. This book is sure to become the authoritative guide for couples dealing with ADD.
--Patricia O. Quinn, M.D., Director, The National Center for Girls and Women with ADHD ...We expect this book will be the bible for all of us dealing with adult ADD.
-- Elizabeth Weathers and Diane Hartson, moderators, ADD Spouse support group ... I can safely predict it will become as much an 'industry standard' as Driven to Distraction.
--David Edelberg, M.D., Medical Director, WholeHealth Chicago ... The book is well researched, reader friendly, and includes insights and perspectives from a Who's Who of professionals. For couples struggling with ADHD, it's the season's new must-have book and bound to become a classic.
--Michele Novotni, Ph.D. Psychologist, Coach Confirmatory brain neuroscience answers this speculation about Adult ADHD: It s a real problem with real and painful challenges, not a belief system.
-- Charles Parker, DO, Medical Director, CorePsych, author of Deep Recovery ... Gina Pera has combined a real feel for the disorder with sound reporting skills and the spice of those who tell the story best: the couples themselves.
-- Margaret D. Weiss, M.D., Ph.D., Head, Provincial ADHD Program, British Columbia, Canada ... Gina Pera has been there and has authored a guide that offers understanding for the confused, practical strategies for the frustrated, and hope for the despondent. This book will be a lifesaver for both partners.
-- Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., M.B.A., author of Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD
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| Customer Reviews: Read 17 more reviews...
Beyond Talk Therapy December 10, 2008
DA (Yorba Linda, CA)
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
If this book strikes a chord with you -- it will help you orchestrate your life --- FINALLY!!!
Not only does "Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D." break down recognizing the symptoms of AD/HD using real-life relationship scenarios, it takes the next step by giving you a "road map" on what to do next.
Some people will tell you that AD/HD doesn't exist, especially in adults. But this reader thinks that belief is perpetuated because of the "stigma perceptions" that make it so hard to talk about AD/HD and accept its "differences" in brain function. Science has given more insight into the WHYs of depression, anxiety, impulsiveness, inattention, mood swings and seemingly irresponsible people -- Gina has taken that information and has produced a step-by-step guide in a language we can all understand so you can grab the reins of your life despite these "differences". So if you want to do something about the struggles that -- in the past -- were dismissed as being lazy or difficult read Gina's book. It will help you in understanding WHAT has been so difficult to put into words regarding AD/HD and her writing does it with a sense of humor, so desperately needed. We are ending the times of sticking our heads in the sand -- and beginning the time of relationship-building and true explanations based on SCIENCE.
If this book strikes a chord with you, there will be many "AH HA" moments!!!
Finally, some answers and hope December 9, 2008
KE-J (San Francisco, CA USA)
1 out of 2 found this review helpful
Gina Pera writes from her heart as well as her extensive knowledge of Adult ADD. Filled with compassion, humor, and insight, her book helps smooth out the day-to-day lives of couples grappling with this frustrating and often devastating disorder. It has preserved my marriage and my sanity! Thank you, Gina, for your outstanding labor of love.
Changed my life December 7, 2008
Rosa Petal
2 out of 3 found this review helpful
Are you and your partner fighting all the time? Does it seem like it's always one thing or another? Things get close to settling down, but it never happens? Have you given up your hobbies, your friends? Starting to walk on eggshells? If you just KNOW something is amiss, READ THIS BOOK!! There's so much to say about this book. I could write volumes. It educates you, validates your thoughts and feelings, and helps you realize "It's not your fault". The author describes the stages you go through when you are being overpowered by your partner's symptomatic ADHD behaviors that leave you feeling hurt, lonely and resentful. The great thing about this book is that it takes you beyond pinpointing the issue and takes you to a place of healing and peace. Through Ms. Pera's thoughtful guidance, you are able to take back control of your life and have the strength, drive and courage to rebuild yourself, rediscover your passion and commitment for your partner, and take a lead role in shaping the course of your relationship in the future. My partner and I are not there yet, but with the new insight this book has given me, I know it's just a matter of time. The quality of the book itself should also be noted. It is well designed and printed on high quality paper. The author has included many subheadings, making it easy to access content fast. There are plenty of narratives, advice and information in the numerous boxes and sidebars. It is nicely organized and easy to read.
Wish I'd had this book 16 years ago! November 28, 2008
tawandalou (Oregon)
3 out of 3 found this review helpful
Plenty has been written about ADHD in children and in adults. All the focus has been on the person with the disorder. What hasn't been effectively addressed is how it affects loved ones of people with ADHD. Nor has there been much hope or help for non-ADHD partners until now.
Reading this book was like a look back into my former marriage. My ex-husband has had ADHD his entire life. During our 12 years together, we - and our children - suffered so many of the situations Ms. Pera describes in her book.
The first part of the book sets up what it's like to ride the ADHD Roller Coaster. Just reading the stories from the support group members caused my adrenaline to surge, like it used to regularly. Believe me, the partners of folks with this brain disorder tell their stories well. The hyper-vigilance, walking on eggshells, watching every penny - it's such a hard way to live.
The surveys the author used are also very revealing. You get a pretty good picture of the challenges faced by partners of folks with ADHD and how the disorder colors every facet of life - eating, sleeping, parenting, sex, finances - and the rest of the world can't understand. You feel positively bereft and, at best, nobody else understands. At worst - and this is standard operating procedure - any problems are entirely your fault.
In case you think I'm dissing folks with this disorder, you need to know how attractive, intelligent, creative, funny and talented they are. However, one does get sucked in by their hyper-focus on the prospective partner and the budding relationship. Then suddenly after the intended is "caught," that "knight-in-shining-armor" disappears and left in his (or her) place is somebody who has no concept of how to relate anymore because they've now moved on to the next person or project that catches their attention and they hyper-focus on that to the exclusion of everything else in their lives.
I spent years in therapy, both with and without the ex, and read many books on the subject to no avail. The problem was that none of the therapists or books took the next step into the challenges faced by partners and to offer effective coping strategies. Solutions were trite and useless. Communication tips for couples where one partner can't focus long enough to say good morning are no help whatsoever.
This book, "Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D?" frames the problems differently than any other I've read and gives solid, multi-pronged, science-based solutions. It explains, in layman's terms, how neurotransmitters in the brain work and how medication can make a huge difference by physically getting those messages across those synapses. As the author explains, medication can be to the ADHD brain what eyeglasses are to the myopic eye. There's no more shame in appropriately using medication than the appropriate use of eyeglasses.
There is no one size fits all solution and Ms. Pera makes an in-depth exploration of other therapies that support and supplement medication for those who find that to be a good option.
The best part of the book, however, is the advice and resources for finding a therapist who truly understands the disorder and its effects on a relationship. We spent thousands of dollars on therapists who seemed to know less about the disorder than we did. There was no guidance for people in choosing somebody to help back then.
I particularly appreciate the coping and self-care strategies offered. If these had been available to me ten years ago, I might be in better health today.
Though there's no way I could go back to my ex - too much hurtful water under that bridge - I wonder what could have been if we'd had a resource like this book at the beginning.
A Beacon of Light November 26, 2008
K. Fleming
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
If you have the slightest inkling your significant other may have ADHD/ADD, and are wondering what to do for them and for yourself, this is the book for you. The information is very accessible. The author takes a complicated topic, and through humor, facts and examples, gives the reader options in how to better navigate their situation. There are also great references for further reading.
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