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Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men | 
 enlarge | Author: Lundy Bancroft
Publisher: Berkley Trade
Category: Book
List Price: $16.00
Buy New: $8.70
You Save: $7.30 (46%)
New (36) Used (18) from $8.70
Rating:  197 reviews
Sales Rank: 1743
Media: Paperback
Pages: 432
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1
Dimensions (in): 8.9 x 5.9 x 1.1
ISBN: 0425191656
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.82920973
EAN: 9780425191651
ASIN: 0425191656
Publication Date: September 2, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Product Description
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
The early warning signs
Nine abusive personality types
How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
The role of drugs and alcohol
What can be fixed, and what can't
How to leave a relationship safely
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| Customer Reviews: Read 192 more reviews...
 Applicable and practical eye opener January 5, 2009
S. Lim (Seattle, WA)
I was surprised to see this book taken off the shelf. I have read a number of verbal/emotional abuse books and found this one to be the best, most honest one. When I first read it, I was shocked; it was as if someone read my mind and created a blueprint of all my experiences. He provides good observations and advice; I found 98% of his checklist to be on point in the relationship I was in, and followed his suggestions. It was the best advice and correct for my situation. Browsing through some of the lower ratings, I found a lot of nit-picking, embittered readers, readers with issues or some with different philosophical views. This is a MUST READ for every person- man or woman, to assess whether personal relationships are healthy or not.
Life changing December 4, 2008
A woman who has been there (Vienna, Virginia United States)
I have never written a book review on Amazon before, but this book changed my life. I first read it 3 years ago and go back to as I need to to recenter myself. It is rather dog-eared. It helped me regain my trust and belief in myself, helped me feel less alone, gave me strength. It changed me from a victim to someone much more empowered not only in my marriage, but in other relationshps as well. It changed me in a very real way. By changing me, it actually helped change my marriage. I'm not saying I am now in a great marriage; it is highly unlikely that will ever happen, but reading this book has made it more manageable. I highly recommend reading this book. Thank you, Mr. Bancroft.
The best book I've read on this topic! December 2, 2008
V. Huegerich (Colorado)
This book is the absolute best book I have read on this subject. It is clear and has many "for instances". It has made my life easier to handle and made my situation not feel quite so isolated. I have and will continue to recommend this book.
even if you don't think you are in an abusive relationship... December 1, 2008
Kate (West Jeff, OH)
This should be a must read for all young people. This book was recommended to me by my abuse counseling facilitator. I was in an abusive relationship (emotional, psychological,physical) and it was so manipulative, I was really believing that his physical abuse was a direct result of my behavior (and by the way, i never criticized him about anything nor cheated on him ...[i know. the fact that i even feel that I need to put in that caveat shows that I'm still struggling...]). In fact, he had me convinced that *I* was abusing *him* even though he would scream at me and beat me.
I left because I started to seek guidance elsewhere (he was my sole source of information about anything) and after reading this book, has really opened my eyes.
I love how Bancroft says in the beginning that the abuser always tells you what to think so he wants to make it clear to think about the book on your own and come to your own decisions.
Easy to read - hard to put down. Main message: abuse is not an anger issue. It's about VALUES. NOTHING about anger.
Also, the info about traumatic bonding... wow.
So, if you have ANY suspicion - any little teeny tiny voice, or someone has said something, READ THIS BOOK. At the very least, you can toss it down and say, nah that's not him/her (he does address gay relationships). I say this because I think if I had read it a lot earlier, I would've left a lot earlier.
Excellent resource for understanding the dynamics of emotional abuse November 22, 2008
Sera Sera (Chicago IL)
This is an _excellent_ book for any woman who has been with or is with an angry and controlling man who is emotionally abusive. It helps a woman to realize that she's not crazy and that she is so much better off without this damaged and damaging presence in her life. Lundy Bancroft's detailed analysis of the realities of what's going on in the minds of these men is right on the mark and helps anyone who has been lost and hurting gain the kind of power that can only come with this knowledge.
Highly recommended reading for getting WAY over that bad man! :)
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